


i remember you

by benitato



Series: killugon? killugon. [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: AU but mixed with the original story, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Killugon if u squint, M/M, this shit is sad i warn u, who am i kidding it’s definitely killugon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-07 23:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12852198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benitato/pseuds/benitato
Summary: “In my next life, I want to be me and meet you again!”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I, uh, apologize in advance :<
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I wrote an alternate ending that can be found in the second chapter. If you want to stop at this chapter, it’s fine, but for emotional consolation, I suggest reading the alternate one. Cheers.

There was a boy on the train.

There was a boy, and he took the 5 AM local just like Gon and a few other strays did.

He always got on before Gon and never after. Always left after Gon, and never before.

A shock of white hair made him stand out, and Gon couldn't help but feel like it suited him; the boy carried a sort of sadness too old for someone so young. He was all sharp angles and shadows. Half-closed lids framed tired blue eyes - the kind of blue that was so dark, it bordered on violet. Aunt Mito would've compared them to lilacs. _She adores lilacs_ , Gon thought wistfully.

_A stretch of unnamed flowers on a soil bed, gorgeous nonetheless, so vivid he could almost smell them._

Gon could remember the first time he saw the pale boy on the train.

Disbelief. Shock. Anger. Those emotions flitted across the boy's face in the split second when his eyes met Gon's. He seemed so lost.

And he'd looked at Gon like he was a map.

 

~~~

 

Rails rumbling, faint music leaking from earphones, the soft snoring of a tired passenger.

Gon pretended not to notice when he felt the blue eyes lock onto him.

But he definitely had to say something when the stares turned into glares.

This time, Gon marched directly over to the other boy, sat on one of the numerous empty seats beside him, and held out a hand.

 

"I'm Gon."

 

Eyes widened in disbelief, the pale boy muttered something under his breath. Gon could've sworn he heard " _Baka_ ". He finally took the offered hand and shook it.

 

"I'm Killua."

 

 _What a peculiar name,_ Gon thought. Sharp and dangerous in his mouth; he could almost taste the metallic tang of blood.

_And so familiar._

_Cavern walls and closed spaces. Unstill hands, feet crushing feet. The smell of iron and sweat and determination. A skateboard and a fishing pole._

 

Killua was looking at him warily.

 

" _Ano_... do I get to know why you always look ready to rip out my throat?" Gon laughed ruefully, rubbing the back of his neck.

Instead of lashing out - like Gon expected him to - Killua's face contorted into something painful. The expression was so fast, barely there, that Gon almost didn't catch it. Killua let out an exasperated, shaky breath and forced a grin; all feral teeth and dark humor.

 

"You remind me of someone who owes me a punch to his face."

 

~~~

 

 _Friend_.

Gon added it to the list of words he used to describe Killua.

_Enigmatic, sarcastic, chocolate-enthusiast, inclined to violence_

 

_And kind_

 

The 5 AM travels were now an awaited activity instead of a chore.

Snickering when the snoring passenger flinched into a window. Killua educating Gon about the wonders of ChocoRobo, the sweetness of their laughter mixing with the melted chocolate on their fingers. Watching the sun rise, the train washed-out in gold, lighting Killua's hair on fire.

_Running breathless and jumping from impossible heights. Fishing for ridiculously oversized seafood. Whispering promises with only the stars as witnesses._

Sometimes it got so bad that Gon couldn't differentiate between reality and the stray images behind his lids.

_A dancing puppet with long white hair. Bloodied chains and scarlet eyes. Sunglasses too small to be useful perched on top of a crooked nose._

But the only thing constant in both reality and the daydreams was Killua.

 

~~~

 

" _Ne_ , Killua?"

 

"Mm?"

 

"I feel like I've met you before."

 

Killua's hand stilled on the yo-yo he was throwing around.

"Mm." He merely replied, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Maybe we were classmates? Or neighbors? Or..." Gon ticked off on his fingers the possible places or instances where he might've chanced upon the other boy. Killua snorted at all the outrageous suggestions, shook his head at the funny ones, and kicked Gon in the shins at the maudlin ones.

"Now that I met you, though, I don't think I'd want to forget." Gon said in his blunt, simple way.

This earned him another kick in the shin.

They fell into a comfortable silence until Gon's stop was announced over the loudspeaker.

Hesitantly, Gon stood up; he felt... peculiar. An uneasy feeling was gnawing away at his mind. He fingered the shoulder straps of his backpack, wanting an excuse to stay.

"Go, _baka_. You'll be late." Killua pushed his back lightly.

Gon stumbled his way to the automatic doors. He frowned and turned around.

"Killua, what if _you_ forget?"

_A fortress on a mountain. Needles and black, gaping mouths. Monsters with human faces. Flashes of terrible, blinding light._

Tawny eyes met blue in an intense, unwavering gaze. Killua's grip on the edges of his seat was deathly and his knuckles turned white.

 

"Gon."

 

Killua looked up.

 

" _I remember you_."

 

Killua's quiet answer rang in Gon's ears - every word was carefully enunciated. Gon paid little attention to the unusual phrasing of Killua's answer. After a satisfactory nod, Gon moved to step out of the train, but paused once more.

 

"I'm glad I got to know you."

 

Gon grinned at Killua and leaped onto the platform. He ran all the way home, and he kept turning to see Killua's inscrutable expression through the window, even after the train wasn't visible anymore.

He didn't stop looking back.

 

~~~

 

That night, Gon dreamt of blood.

_Black, inky purple blood that stung when it came in contact with skin. Bones snapping and crunching._

_He dreamt of islands shaped like whales and cities of magic. He saw dodgeballs hurled like weapons and water overflowing from cracked stemmed glasses. He felt the razor-sharp tip of a playing card pressed against where his pulse began._

_He saw dragons raining down on a palace built on corruption and deceit. He watched as people made of smoke ran and killed at will. He felt the teeth-shattering explosion of a rose._

And in the midst of the delirious visions was Killua.

_Killua, a living weapon - body shrouded in pulsing electricity, line-thin tendrils reaching out and daring anyone to approach. Killua, moving like a whirlwind across enemy lines, more graceful than a dance. Killua, looking like the storm after the calm; all defiant rage, with no traces of hesitation._

_Killua and his silver-dust hair ruffled by an island breeze; Gon half expected stars to come out from the unruly strands. Killua, grabbing Gon's arm as they raced out of a crumbling building, breathing in the night air and exhaling adrenaline._

_Killua, holding a lifeless figure, trembling._

 

_Killua Killua Killua_

 

_I remember._

 

~~~

 

Gon ran like hell was behind him. 

He breathed in the crisp dawn air that tasted so good and clean that it _hurt_. 

He didn't stop to pick up the jacket that dropped after it unwound from his waist. He didn't stop when Mito asked if he was delirious. He didn't stop when his lungs felt like they were being ripped apart and replaced with coals.

He didn't stop running till he reached the platform, just as the 5 AM local arrived. Gon leapt inside as soon the doors opened.

 

 

And for the first time since Gon could remember, Killua wasn't on the train.

 

 

He scanned among the passengers for a familiar shock of white hair, but to no avail.

 

"Killua?"

Breathlessly, Gon awaited a reply.

 

"Killua? I remember now."

_Throat tightening_

 

"I remember."

_Heartbeat drumming in his ears_

 

"Killua? _Please_."

_Tears threatening to spill_

 

"I _remember_."

 

The only answer was silence.

 

~~~

 

"Gon, you idiot, you _promised_. You promised we'd stick together." Killua buried his face in the vulnerable spot where Gon's neck met his bloody shoulder.

 

"I swear if you don't hang on, I'll punch you in the face so hard, Mito-san will probably ban me from setting foot on the island."

 

Killua gently shook Gon, as if trying to wake him up. Tears threatened to spill from blue eyes, but sheer force held them there.

 

 

_If I cry, Gon will not make it_

_If I cry, all is over_

 

 

""Let's go," you'd said. _Baka_ , you didn't even wait for me."

 

 

”You’re so selfish, you know that?” Killua choked on harsh laughter. 

 

“ _So selfish_. Going after Pitou, and expecting me to clean up the goddamn mess you’ve gotten yourself into. Do I look like a fucking janitor to you, Freecss?” 

 

Killua was grasping for words. 

 

 

"If you wake up, I'll give you all my ChocoRobo-kun." 

 

"I'll even try to get along with Palm and Bisky. Maybe."

 

 

 _Don't go where I can't follow_.

 

He felt so numb, he could hardly feel the strong gales tearing away at his clothes, stirring up the dust, and rustling the fallen leaves. 

 

But not so numb that he couldn’t feel when Gon’s weak pulse finally stopped. 

 

 

Killua _snapped_. 

 

~~~

 

" _Hey, what do you want to be in your next life?"_

 

 

 _"Uhh, what do_ you _want to be?"_

 

 

 _"In my next life, I want to be me and meet you again!_ "

 

~~~


	2. Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is picked up straight from the train part, no change in the timeline. 
> 
> Anyways, Merry Christmas. Here y’all go.

Gon sat on the middle of the floor, staring at his scarred brown knees. 

 

He knew there were quite a few passengers (the ones awake, anyway) staring concernedly at him, and he knew how he must’ve looked to them — a kid hunched over, tears flowing silently but freely down tan cheeks and in between the thin line of his lips. He tasted salt and regret. 

 

Every time the train stopped to let a passenger on, Gon’s head swiveled to face the automated doors. His heart hoped so much for each light step to be Killua’s, each rustling movement to be his, that it _hurt_. 

 

 _Killua Killua Killua_  

 

He’d found him, and then he’d lost him.

 

All over again. 

 

And it was all Gon’s fault. 

 

Back then, he’d proudly boasted to have recognized Killua anywhere — would have recognized Killua with only the edge of his shoulder visible in a picture, in the middle of a crowd, shown to Gon for only ten seconds. 

 

He knew Killua’s scars, knew his story like the back of his own hand. 

 

Molded to be a killer, but instead turned out to be one of the constituents of the saving of the human race. 

 

And Gon’s too, in a way. 

 

_Killua, slinging Gon across his shoulder as they escape the wrath of a knife-wielding, lovesick clairvoyant._

 

_Killua, agreeing to travel the world with him, and to try finding his father._

 

_Killua, able to stop Gon’s path of destruction not excluding anything or anyone, with just the lightest tap of his hand on Gon’s shoulder._

 

But somehow, he knew, didn’t he? Something inside him — his soul, body, mind, or _whatever_ — recognized the boy washed out in moonlight on the 5 am local. 

 

He did recognize Killua. 

But he didn’t realize it _sooner_. 

 

_All your fault. All your goddamned fault._

 

Gon let out a strangled yell as he pummeled the linoleum flooring. He attacked it until his knuckles shed red and his vision blurred black. 

 

The train rolled on. 

 

Most of the passengers no longer paid him any attention, choosing instead to avert their eyes or feign sleep. No one wanted to get involved with a possibly mentally disturbed boy and his ill-bout fits. 

 

Breathing heavily, Gon’s heart stopped when he felt the train rumbling to a stop and heard the doors open with a soft chime. His neck hurt from swiveling all the way around earlier, so he kept his head still and his hands tight in fists. 

 

Gon swore he could almost hear light, subtle footsteps in the sea of passengers that got on board. 

 

The wave of passengers diverted around Gon, as solid in his position as a rock in the middle of a river. Someone stepped on his feet, but he barely felt it. 

 

A pair of footsteps stopped just right behind him. 

 

Light ones. 

 

Gon inhaled shakily, audibly, not daring to turn around. 

 

He heard the person behind him take a breath, and —

 

“Hey kid, lost ya toy or somethin’?” 

 

Gon turned around to see a huge, hulking man in a business suit. He leered down irritably at the mess of a person at his feet. 

 

_Not him not him not him_

 

”Out of the way.” The man huffed, maneuvering around Gon to find an empty seat. 

 

By that point, Gon had sunk his head into his chest, biting down on his lip so hard he tasted iron. 

 

He understood now. People like him didn’t get second chances. 

 

The train moved forward, and Gon prodded absentmindedly at the stainless white floor. 

 

He probably missed his stop, but he couldn’t care less. 

 

He was going to have to explain a lot to—

 

“Oi, you know there are seats on this train, right?”

A heart-wrenching, familiar voice laughed. 

 

 _Laughed_. 

 

Gon choked. 

 

He swiveled around to find himself staring into amused violet-blue eyes. 

 

_No_

 

Gon didn’t think twice before tackling Killua onto the floor. 

 

A tangle of arms and limbs they were, constantly hitting each other, with the occasional, profanity-ridden yell coming from Killua. 

 

“All this because I was _late_?” Killua gasped, laughing as he finished their wrestle with a chop to the nape of Gon’s neck, sending him sprawling to the floor. 

 

A few passengers shushed the adolescents, and Gon mumbled an apology to them ruefully. He laughed, wiped the trail of tears and snot off of his face, and stood up. He held out a hand to Killua, who swatted it away, complaining good naturedly of his “germs”. 

 

“I think I deserve an apology too.” Grumbled Killua as he stood up and brushed off dirt on his shirt. 

 

Gon couldn’t stop looking at Killua — drinking in all of him like there was no tomorrow. 

 

Killua flushed uncomfortably red as he noticed Gon staring, and scratched the back of his head. 

 

“Stop staring, it’s kinda creepy.” He hissed embarrassedly. 

 

 “Eh? But you couldn’t stop staring at me back then, while I was sleeping on that train to Yorknew City.” 

 

“I wasn’t st— _what_?” 

 

“What?” 

 

 

Killua swallowed hard. “There’s no such thing as a city named like that.” 

 

Gon nodded, eyes glinting. “Not _here_ , at least.” 

 

They stood staring at each other for what felt like forever, swaying as the train rounded a bend.

 

 

“You remembered.” Killua rasped, finding his voice.

 

“Not soon enough, though. _Gomen ne_ , Killua.” Gon said softly. He moved closer, looking at his feet.

 

”How—?” Killua let the question hang between them.

 

“Same as you, I guess?” Gon replied with a shrug. 

 

Killua smiled sadly. “ _Idiot_. It seems we’ve got lots to talk about, huh?” 

 

“It’s a pretty long train ride.” Gon laughed.  

 

“At least you’ve finally apologized.” Killua’s smugness cut through. 

 

Gon blinked. “I’d do it a hundred times! I really _am_ sorry, Killua! For you, and Kite, and I—”

 

Killua surprised both of them by pulling Gon into a bone-crushing hug. Eventually, he pushed Gon away, remembering they were standing in a public mode of transportation. 

 

“Shut up. It’s fine.” Killua said. 

 

Gon rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. 

 

 

And it _was_ fine. He remembered. They remembered. And they found their way back to each other. Wasn’t that how they’d survived? 

 

 

This time, though, Gon wasn’t letting go. 

 

 

 

“You still owe me a punch to your face.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *does a happy dance*


End file.
